Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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