All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
