You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am spending my child support on dildos
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
