Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize