3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
