I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We need to get me chipped asap
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
