having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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