Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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