Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
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