That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
