Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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