I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
