Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
