He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
