when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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