Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
