return my video game
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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