I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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