Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
