A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
