I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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