i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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