I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
