you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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