What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
