oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
