Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
