We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
