What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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