I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
