I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
its liver damage thursday
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
