Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
