It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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