Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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