I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
