1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
