Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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