put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
