Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
