So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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