Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
