the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
