She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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