Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
