...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
