Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
