3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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