IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
