it hurts more in the daytime
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
