i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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