it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
