Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am in a vortex of obligation.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
